there are so much on my mind all the time. it makes it hard to me to sleep these days. as my big 30 is creeping up on me. i can't help but wonder what the fuck have i been doing for the last 30 years... i am constantly fighting with myself about being true to myself and others. almost all the time i get the shaft. hard... my father always told me one of my biggest problem is that i think with my heart, not with my head. i never really thought it was a problem at all until this year. 2011 sure has been one hell of a year so far. so much to the point of me really doubting myself and who i really am. lately i discovered my source of anger. my work or job or something i do to pay the bills. i want so much, however, i don't really see the point anymore. where i am its just going to be the same. i helped build a company. worked my ass off, everyday seems like a battle. i really hope things will be better for me soon... because i am getting really tired of trying to cheer myself up and trying to be optimistic. i'm just frustrated maybe. i'm tired of being on edge all the time. i think i need to get away. somewhere where no one knows my name.
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